Of Leaving and Being Left Behind
by bikelock28
Summary: "Bad penny is my middle name…seriously the looks I get when I fill in a form, it's…" he tails off. Joking is easy, a distraction. It's much easier to joke than admit to what's happening.  Amy's PoV in the last scene of The God Complex. Chapter 2 and 3 now up!
1. Amy

**Let's face it , The God Complex was just begging for Fanfics to be written about it.**

**Here is my take on the final scene, I hope you enjoy.**

The Doctor and I lean against the car, the type Rory's always on about.

"You're leaving, aren't you?" I ask quietly.

I hope against hope that the Doctor will laugh and say "of course not," but deep down I know that he won't.

"You haven't seen the last of me," he says, "Bad penny is my middle name…seriously the looks I get when I fill in a form, it's…" he tails off. Joking is easy, a distraction. It's much easier to joke than admit to what's happening.

"Why now?" I ask. Why not in a year or two, or twenty? I don't want to go back to my normal life. I want to stay with him and Rory in the magic blue box forever.

After a pause, the Doctor sighs, "Because you're still…breathing," I can tell it's not really what he means, but it's as close as he'll get using our language. The Doctor smiles thinly and looks at his battered shoes.

I don't know what to say, so I joke. As I said, joking is easier. "Well, I think this is about the washing up, personally,"

The Doctor laughs his donkey-like, cartoonish laugh, and I laugh too, although somehow it sounds more like a sob.

"I mean, you're right," the Doctor continues rapidly, sounding like he does normally, his clever-mad-man-in-a-box shtick. "There's still heaps of stuff out there too look at," he launches himself off the car and turns to face me. "D'you know, there's a planet whose name literally translates as Volatile Surface,".

I giggle. Giggling is better than crying. The Doctor stop is the TARDIS door, hands in pockets. He hesitates. "Or maybe there's a bigger, scarier adventure waiting for you in there,".

I follow his gaze towards the house. That house symbolises normality, safety…do I really want that? Can I go back to a job and a house and…whatever else ordinary people do? No?

I look back at the Doctor and I realised that that's what he wants for me. He wants me to be ordinary, because it's the one thing he wants to be, yet he never can. A million thoughts stumble through my brain, but one falls harder than the rest- I don't want to leave him.

"Even so, it can't happen like this. After everything we've been through, Doctor, everything," . Prisoner Zero. Churchill and the Daleks. The Weeping Angels. Vampires in Venice. Silurians. The Big Bang. The Silence. Pirates and Sirens. The Flesh. Apulapachia. River Song.

Everything.

"You can't just drop me off at my house and say goodbye like we've shared cab!" I feel like I'm begging him.

The Doctor doesn't reply but I can read his face. He's sad, confused, hurt. He doesn't want to do this.

"And what's the alternative?" he asks, "Me standing over your grave? Over your broken body? Over Rory's body?"

Then I understand. He's leaving us to keep us safe. He's leaving us because he can't risk us getting hurt, or killed. The last thing he wants is to be alone, but he's sacrificing what he wants for our safety.

Suddenly I realise how brave he is, brave and noble and strong. Giving up his friends to keep them safe. I feel so sorry for him, so sad.

Instinctively, I pull him towards me in a hug, wrap my arms around his back, stroke the hair at the nape of his neck. I feel him press his forehead to my shoulder, and I an unexpected maternal feeling towards him washes over me. I want to be able to comfort him, but there's no way to. I bite my hand to stop myself crying.

Finally I pull away and rest my hands on his shoulders.

"If you run into my daughter, tell he to visit her old mum sometime," I smile, knowing he _will_ meet my daughter again, and maybe she'll drop by. Maybe he will too. I smile at the thought, and he smiles back.

"And look after him," he says softly. He doesn't need to elaborate, know he means Rory, and of course I'll look after Rory. Always.

"Look after you," I reply. Without Rory and me, he's only got himself to keep an eye on him.

He smiles a sad smile, and maybe to make up for its sadness, winks. Without thinking about it, I kiss to top of his head like he does sometimes to me. I feel sort of like I'm the old, wise one and he's the child. A lost, lonely little boy.

He looks at me and I think he's about to cry, but then he smiles and abruptly turns away. He stops in the TARDIS doorway, and he must have composed himself now, because he smile is more real. He makes a funny little bumbly wave, and I laugh at the oh-so Doctor-like gesture. We look at each other one last time, and then the TARDIS door swings shut.

Rory comes back out of the house, carrying a bottle of champagne, and, I notice, three glasses.

"What's happening? What's he doing?" he asks, bewildered. The TARDIS begins to churn, and then fades leaving a flurry of leaves as the only sign it was there. I look up into the sky, imagining the TARDIS spiralling through it.

"He's saving us," I whisper. Rory, still muddled, puts an arm around my shoulders, and the sudden contact makes me burst into tears. Rory shushes me and holds me close, and I cry into his chest. I can't speak yet, but I think my husband realises that the Doctor has left us.

Left us and flown off into the universe- the raggedy man, all alone in the sky in his big, blue box.

**Thank you so much for reading. Love it, hate it, anything in between, all reviews are greatly appreciated.**

**Thanks again.**


	2. TARDIS

**I dunno how good this chapter is. I hope you enjoy it anyway though...**

The Doctor opens the door and waves abstractly at Amy. I can't see her, but I hear her laugh. My Thief hesitates, and looks at her, as if trying to commit the sight of her to memory. Then lets my door swing shut and leans his back against it. He closes his eyes and a small whimper escapes his throat. Then he passes a hand over his face and moves forward, his long arms hanging loosely at his sides like a knitted doll. He shrugs off his tweed jacket and tosses it carelessly aside, then sits down on the steps and kicks off his shoes aggressively. He unclips his braces and hurls them over to the door, and sits on the steps with his elbows on his knees, in his socks and his untucked shirt and his red bow tie.

The Doctor makes the strange whimpering noise again, like a fox with its paw stuck in a trap. He stands up suddenly, and announces, "I can't do this much longer. I can't...I can't be me anymore. I think-"his voice softens, "I think the story is ending soon,".

_No!_ I want to tell him, _the song might change its tune, but the story never ends. Remember?_

But of course he can't hear me. "I don't _want_ to be the Doctor anymore! I don't want this! I DON'T WANT THIS!" he rips the bow tie off his neck.

"Goodbye bow tie, because bow ties are not cool. Bow ties are what silly old men, sick, silly old men use to make themselves seem better. But you're not, Doctor, you're just some sad, sick old man who uses people and hurts people and -," _Plea__se stop. Please stop, darling, you'll make yourself ill- _"and who keeps running because he can't bear to look at the blood on his hands!"

He collapses back onto the steps, head in his hands. He moans and it's somewhere between a shout and a sob.

I wish I had my voice and your body back, because there's nothing in the Universe that I want more than to be beside him with my arms around him, whispering to him that it's alright.

The Doctor's body shakes for a few moments, and when he looks up his face is tear-stained.

"Amy, Amy, Rory," he mumbles, "Rose, Amy, Rory, Nyssa, Ace, Ian, Donna, Rory, Jo, Jack, Jamie, Rose..."

All his companions have to leave him. Weather by choice or death or parallel universe, they're all gone now. _But that doesn't mean you've fail__ed them, love._

He mumbles on, lapsing into Gallifreyan. He doesn't speak the language of his people often.

"The Doctor, yeah right, makes people better? Because you really make people better don't you. They come in here all excited and bright eyes, "ooh look, it's bigger on the inside!", and you just chew 'em up and spit 'em back out. Doctor- ha,"

This is what being alone does to him, it drives him insane. But worse than that, much worse, it makes him hard and cold. The loneliness hardens his hearts and changes him. He becomes a different person when he's alone too long.

He stands up and turns to my console, breathing heavily. He makes a violent gesture in mid-air, and for one terrifying second I think he's going to hit me. But he laughs scornfully, groans and crumples back onto the floor in tears.

I desperately want to touch him. This is so unfair, me being trapped in this...system. He needs me. He needs somebody.

"I don't...want to...be...alone," he whimpers his voice high and constricted with sobs, "Please don't let me be alone,"

He is no longer angry, just scared and sad and so, so lonely. It kills me to see him like this. _This isn't you, Thief. This is not who you are. Please..._

I move the leavers on my console to make him look up. I make the buttons change colour to a warm shade of pale orange.

I slowly move the accelerator leaver in what is meant to be a hopeful, encouraging way. I try and say "chin up, darling, you've still got me," But that's a difficult thing to show when you're only way of communication is flicking leavers.

The Doctor gazes at the console, wet-faced. I hum gently and move other parts of the console. This continues for quite some time, him staring, me flicking. Then he says in a hollow, dead sort of voice, "I don't want to be the Doctor anymore,"

I freeze for a moment, but then he quite calmly gets to his feet and sets about gathering up his clothes. He puts his shoes back on, clips on his braces and wrestles his arms through, shrugs his jacket onto his shoulders and makes his way over to my console.

But the bow tie stays on the floor.

**I think that Chapter 1 was better- what about you? Whatever your thoughts, reviews are very much appreciated. Hope you enjoyed!**


	3. Rory

**Chapter 3 here, everyone! This is Rory's PoV, and he is**_** much **_**harder to write than the previous two. I hope I've at least partly done him justice…**

"He's saving us,"

They were the last words Amy said to me, as we watched the Police Box fade into nothing. Apart from a grunt of affirmation when I asked if she wanted tea, and the sound of her sobbing, we haven't spoken in the intervening hours. So now we sit of the settee, her head on my shoulder, neither of us speaking, neither of us talking, both of us waiting. Waiting for what, exactly, we don't know, but we'll wait. She is, after all, the girl who waited, and I the last centurion who waited for 2,000 years.

As I say, we haven't spoken, but I can tell what's happened- the Doctor has left us. Flown away off into the Universe, left us here with the house and the car and the memories, and little else. From what I can gather, the Doctor's reasoned that us being with him in dangerous- well it is dangerous, but the danger's a small price to pay- and he thinks he's saving us by leaving us here- well, I say thinks, he_ is_ saving us, but do we want to be saved?

Amy sighs deeply and shuffles towards me. I put my arm around her and kiss the top of her head. She looks up and smiles weakly at me, her hand on my chest and her long red hair spilling over my neck. I try to smile back but for some reason my face doesn't co-operate. Maybe it's trying to tell me something – we can't just sit and think in silence forever. We have to talk- we're married for God's sake. So I say the first thing that comes into my head:

"Fancy a DVD?"

Amy lifts her head off my shoulder and mumbles, "What?"

"D'you wanna watch a DV? Y'know, just a distraction. Something we haven't watched in a while…Monsters Inc. or Mamma Mia, Back to the Future-"

Oh, stupid, stupid, stupid. Just when you're looking for a distraction, you have to go and mention the time travel films. Rory Williams, biggest idiot the world has ever known. Well done, moron.

Amy looks at me for a moment- it's only a moment but it lasts ages. I think I see tears pricking at her eyes and wait for the explosion.

It doesn't come.

"No. Not Back to the Future," she says, and in the same breath she bursts into hysteric laughter.

"You are such a prune!" she cackles, and I find myself joining in, though it's mostly due to relief that she hasn't started screaming at me, or sobbing her heart out. Laughing feels good. Laughing is better. It feels as if the dark grey cloud which had settled over us if lifting.

"Back to the Future," repeats Amy, still giggling.

"Well," I reply defensively, "I like it!" I put on my highly unrealistic Doc Brown voice, "Roads? Where we're going, we don't need roads…"

"Terrible," Amy comments, "Worst impersonation I have ever heard, and that includes the Celine Dion one my Dad did on my twenty-first,"

"Ouch," I shudder, "Don't give me nightmares,"

She pushes me playfully but the laughter seems to have exhausted itself. Amy rests her head back on my shoulder and I play absently with her hair.

Silence again. The Silence. The Doctor's going to meet the Sil- no. Don't go there Rory. Do not think about that. Whatever you do, do not think about the Silence.

In fact, try not to think at all. I wish we were laughing again, but I can't think of anything funny (can I ever?). Maybe talking will have the same effect as laughter.

"Do you want to talk?" I ask Amy, like I'm one of those ridiculous counsellors she had when we were kids, and nobody would believe her about the Raggedy Doctor. I believed her- but I realised later that it was only because I was in love with her.

Amy doesn't reply for a very long time, but I resist the temptation to push it.

"Yeah, alright," she says finally, " But you first,"

Typical Amy. I try and think of something to say- there's so much, yet my mind seems blank. The Hotel, the faith-breaking, the Doctor, where he's gone, if we'll see him again, what we do now…

"Um. Well. I-I suppose I've got work tomorrow,"

"Yeah…" Amy sighs lackadaisically, "We've got to get used to that, don't we? Work, bills, shopping, TV…all that. It just seems so," she searches for the right word. Is there a right word? " Inconsequential. Know what I mean?"

"Tell me about it," Everything will be dull as a brick without the Doctor. I reckon I'm more ready for that than Amy, probably more for the idea…but that doesn't stop it being strange.

"I mean, in the Summer, we were waiting. Waiting for," she hesitates, "Melody. It was a project, it was a means to an end. Now it's gonna have to be…it,"

"This is it," I agree. My house and my car and my job and my wife . It.

"Where d'you suppose he's off to now, anyway?" Amy asks.

"I don't know. Monaco with Ayrton Senna?"

"The implosion of Pluto in 2096,"

"Afternoon tea with the Brontes,"

"The Pyramids! I've always wanted to go and see the pyramids! Rory, why did we never get him to take us to the pyramids?"

"We were too busy visiting waterfalls on Banlacia and running from Silurians, probably,".

_We _were too busy. The three of us. Except it's not the three of us anymore, it's us and it's him. On his own. Can he survive on his own? He must get lonely. He's left us, with the knowledge that now hell' be all alone. How brave is that? I feel so young and small and unimportant compared to him.

"He'll never take us now, will he?" says Amy quietly

I wrap my arms around her body, which feels very cold. "You don't know that. He might be back, yeah?"

But I know deep down that it won't be for good, it'll just be cheery hello, a jammy dodger and some madcap story about Norman geese on Uranus before he scuttles back off into his box. That's if he comes back at all.

"No," whispers Amy, "He won't be back. Not for a visit, not ever. What happened on the beach… Rory- he's gone to die!"

She appears on the verge of tears again, but she doesn't start crying and I hold her more tightly.

"You don't know that. We don't know that. The version that died on beech might be some wildly distant future version of him. You know what time travel's like, it could be…ages off. Please don't, Amy, don't-"

Don't what exactly? Don't cry, don't worry, don't believe that he'll die? But of course we have to believe, we saw it, we were there. Amy and River and Canton and me. We stood on the beach and watched him get shot. I burnt his body, for God's sake- of course he's dead. That's where he's off to now. The Doctor is going to die. The Doctor is going to die. Amy whimpers and the truth sets in. He's saving us from the future he knows he has to face. The Doctor is going to die.

He's knows it, and he's saving us.

**I hope you liked this, thank you for reading. If you loved it, hated it, or anything in between, please let me know in a review. **


End file.
